Blast from the Past

So I am going through my news feeds on Facebook and see an article about indictments for the drug dealers that I worked cases on and that killed Thomas and his wife. I honestly wasn't ready for that. There is still a lot of shame a guilt associated with that part of my life. I cant help but think about the pain and misery I was dealing with during that time. I also think about Thomas and his wife. Would they have eventually gotten clean? Overdosed? Put in jail? I don't know. They do not get to make the choices that would lead them to any one of those places anymore. They are dead. The news story had a picture of the "ringleader" of the drug enterprise. It was strange seeing his face. I had almost forgotten what he looked like until then. The article went on to say that besides facing trafficking charges, conspiracy to sell a controlled substance, and multiple sell charges, he now also faces a conspiracy to commit murder charge. He will probably spend most of his adult life in prison. Law enforcement sees this as a victory, but I know better. The only thing this does is give a whole new group of people a chance to take their place. The day he was locked up was the only day the drugs were dry in the town he lived in. Within 2 days it was back to business as usual, just different faces. I am not really sure how I got out of the life. I like to think that I just decided I didn't want it anymore, but that would be a lie. I still want that feeling sometimes. It is an everyday battle to stay clean. My best guess as to how I escaped is that God intervened in my life. That really is the only explanation. I have watched too many friends not make it out. They are now dead or in prison. Some are still out there getting high every single day while they countdown the hours until they have to get high again. In the rooms of 12 step programs you will often here quotes recycled over and over. One that really rings true for me today is "But for the grace of God, there go I." I should be one of those people that died, or in prison, or still out there suffering, but I am not. I do not deserve this life I have today, but I have it. I have to always be grateful for the moments I have today. For some reason I made it out. I am not immune to going back to that lifestyle, but I can say that today, I am clean and happy. Thanks God, I owe you one!


The saving love of God is his doing whatever must be done, at great cost to himself, and for the least deserving, so that he might enthrall them with what will make them supremely happy forever, namely, himself. - John Piper