Day One

Day One

 





This is day one for the Blog. In a past life I kept a journal of my daily life. I kept page after page of secrets, mundane activities, accomplishments, failures, broken hearts, and everything that encompasses someone's life. The only difference was I was doing it as someone who had just began a life after drug addiction.

Fast forward 14 years and I feel like I am experiencing deja vu. Here I am, starting a blog about living life in recovery, again. This last relapse was tough. Heroin is a very seductive and controlling lady. She really took me through the ringer. I went from up and coming Narcotics officer working with 3 letter agencies to sitting in a drug rehab with no one to blame, but myself. It really is pretty simple though. I stopped doing the things I had done to live a life I was proud of. When those things stopped, addiction slithered her way into my life. Knock Knock...... Who's there?.. Your old friend dope... Come on in, the door is unlocked...

If you would have told me the day before I chose to get high again, that I was going to get high for the first time in over a decade, I would have told you that you obviously do not know me very well. Addiction is cunning like that. She convinces you that you are not an addict. She makes you think that you can do it just once. And you believe her with every ounce of your being. She comes to you so seductively. She's like that tall raven haired woman in the hotel, the one sitting at the bar with her red shoulder strap falling ever so slightly from its perch. You know she is trouble, but you have to go talk to her. Then you find yourself naked, handcuffed to a bed, an empty wallet, and a long wait for housekeeping to come unlock your lovely new bracelets.

Yep, addiction is a lot like that.

Today is day 120 of being clean. It is a big accomplishment, but it is a long way from the 11 years I threw away. Maybe I can find meaning in these words. Something that will unlock that keyhole in my head where all those secrets of my life hide. Maybe I can figure out this addiction thing.